Do you ever feel like just a passive observer in life? It’s like you’re there but not…there. like sitting in a chair watching the activities of the life you’re supposed to be a part of but are…..not. it’s an easy form of alienation. It requires little to no effort. Effort. The thing you find impossible to put into life itself. Its as though you were thrown into the scene by some accident, some miscalculation of fate. Almost as though you were invisible to what everyone else was doing… and slightly oblivious. like a ghost in the land of the living.; It’s there but isn’t riding along. A rock in a flowing river.
It’s a sad thing, not understanding the life around you, not caring even. But you have to be there. You rarely get up and join in of your own free will and when you do its with dragging feet or being pulled by your hair. And many times people are confused by your resistance. They don’t understand that your spirit is slowly being dismembered and fed to the dogs. Like it’s being hung in the market square and dangled for the public to gawk at. But you’re the one gawking. Not because you are fascinated by others…they bore you. you gawk because you have nothing else to do other that engage In some form of activity to keep the body alive. But what’s a body with a starving soul?
Coping mechanisms are sometimes hard to find and sometimes more destructive than the state itself. I try to find music in the crickets that keep me up at night, to find patterns in the lines of people, to find colour in the dreariness around me. But everyone needs a jolt. Something to remind that there’s something inside. That’s it’s not all flesh and bones. To briefly resurrect the human being that can’t be seen. Because the body that can be seen is there but the spirit is far away and the body can’t join it. The body is probably as alienated as the body and wishes to live and not just exist.
by Tokoni O. Uti. if you’ve liked this post, please like, follow or comment. Thanks!